Kindred Spirits in a Circle

I remember being introduced to it, and as a teacher you go along with all of the ‘initiatives’ they roll out and because this ONE had the word YALE attached to it, you kinda buy in. The truth is that coming from a marginalized community, Black, Brown and People of Color, when you hear the school YALE, you tend to pay attention and I did. ‘Ivy League School? ok!’ The movement had it’s momentum and because I worked in the Admissions Office of the school, it was yet another selling point for the school – we were a ‘social emotional learning school, where emotions matter.‘ Now as a gen-X’er from Harlem, I had and still have my reservations because emotions never mattered for US, why now? and who really benefits from this? Whose emotions are we really focusing on and why? but that’s another post. Point is I didn’t have a classroom management issue as a veteran teacher therefore this was just another box to tick… and the evidence? The mood meter that all classes had to have? dusty and abandoned in many rooms.

I am not discrediting the work or the research or it’s validity but when anything isn’t genuinely practiced then it’s a waste of time. And I quote – These skills and tools are introduced to all stakeholders in the school community—school leaders, teachers, staff, students, and families. – straight from the Yale website. In my experience it didn’t work because families were not genuinely welcomed in the hard work it takes to make this real and therefore when students demonstrated rebellion as teenagers will when confronted with real emotions, there was no support for teachers. Instead it was weaponized against the teacher to appease parents. Again, a waste of time and major disappointment on the DoE’s behalf.

And it seems I am not the only one that feel’s this way or has experienced the other side of this, as the quote ‘white supremacy with a hug’ remains etched in my memory. I did my own digging on this quote and found Dena Simmons to be someone to read up on if the work with Restorative Practices is to be carried out with true intention.

I start off with this message as a prelude because I want it to serve the individuals I met in the Restorative Circle I was in for the 4 days at the Edgecombe Educational Complex, where Mott Hall High and Eagle Academy live.

Thank you all for your time as it was an honor to meet all of you and listen to your stories and feel my faith uplift my sorrows as you showed up every day.. Truth be told, I entered the space with caution and reservations because that’s how I operate. ‘Are they really here to learn? Or was it mandated by their boss? Is there true intention to walk away with skills needed to serve their kids? Our kids?’ And of course these are all insecurities that I myself am projecting; I’ve learned a lot from my therapists! and day by day I realized that there are adults in the world, in this city, in our school system that want to be genuine agents of change.

We began as a circle, all seated around this center piece which we added to with cards and notes written by us. We were greeted by a lively yet tender woman of Dutch origin, who opened up about her childhood and adulthood, some recounts that sounded very much like the ‘Latina’ experience! I later shared with her how my grandmother too was very austere which she then shared she came from a military family. Everyday we were introduced to quotes that gave us a sense of the WHY were there and our shares made it authentic. One by one a ‘talking piece’ passed our hands and we shared or passed.

Every day we experienced new quotes, new activities, new tools to expand upon what we were learning, how to start circles in our own classrooms. On the last day we put in practice what we learned as groups for the whole circle. It was very scary but possible, like anything worth having or doing in life, the butterflies in the stomach, the rush of nerves that either made us jump from tree branches to the ground or from couch to couch as children, the can-do feel was there but only because we had each other and so it felt safe, like jumping from a high place into the outstretched arms of a loving adult as children. This was my experience and I believe of all.

After 22 years in this field, I am coming to the end of my journey in this skin. I want to see myself as if I were shedding a layer of bruised, battered dermis and not necessarily healing although healing sounds best in my case. The experience with the circle did help to lightly heal the pain I am still experiencing as a displaced educator. The quivering of my voice was evidence of that when the ‘talking piece’ came to me. I bled my pain on another post in order to expose and hope it helps others. I don’t want to give up the joy teaching has afforded me and it’s a struggle every day.

So thank you to the One whose heart is so big she opened her home to a young man that sought refuge, thank you to the trio of twenty year olds who walk with confidence and a visible bond, to the science teacher who graced us with color and the greatest of energies, to the women from my mother country, Dominican Republic, thank you for serving as a reminder of the strength and kindness I come from.

Thank you to the young man who serves as his dad’s courage, because inserting yourself as an outsider in a community that does not look like you takes just that! You are a genuine ally.

Thank you to the ones whose roots hail from Jamaica, your honesty has always been an ‘exhale’ for me in a world that seeks to choke us out!

Thank you to the Black Brothers that showed up, no disrespect in any way shape or form. I do not want to increase your burden yet it is exciting and hopeful to see you in circles where CHANGE can happen.

Thank you to the creatives that choose to surround themselves with youngsters because your love for the Arts impacts those you serve. I believe this is part of your calling.

Thank you to the Latina’s with families that made and make time for more, because they know this is important, because whether you are aware or not, this is a small part of the plan for our children’s successful future, which cannot happen without us entertaining and occupying positions of leadership.

To our circle keepers, from Morningside Center for Teaching Social Responsibility Thank you. To a job well done as I reflect on my own biases and stereotypes, not all people of non-color are the same.

And to the Dutch Lady: Bedankt dat je er als vriend en bondgenoot voor me bent. Heel erg bedankt.

Trans: Thank you for showing up as a friend and ally. Thank you very much.

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Our Exceptions to the Rule? or Our Groundbreakers?

Gallery walk in Eagle Academy – 3rd Floor