This has been the sentiment of so many people I encounter lately. It so happens that I am no longer at the place I work for after 15 years of service.
15 years… a lifetime
The decision was abrupt and traumatic and not within my control, three things that I have learned to navigate as an adult, having been born and raised in the Heights. The possibility of my return to that place hangs by a sturdy thread, fishing wire is what I want to believe, strengthened by Faith and in the meantime I work elsewhere.
It has been painful to not go to the place I have been ‘living’ in for the past decade and a half. It has been painful to adjust my surroundings, my commute in a city that has grown more dangerous to walk in. It has been painful to not see the familiar young faces I live and care for. It has been painful to not carry out my daily rituals which I have grown to identify as my life’s mission.
Why.. The why has always carried me through all situations, difficulties and challenges and this time it is no different. Why.. And I’ll leave it up to my faith yet it doesn’t hurt to try to understand.
Maybe the level of comfort with which I saw myself was not good.. Maybe ABRUPT change needed to happen to force me out of the unhealthy attachment I created.
Maybe my response to TRAUMA was the jolt needed to disconnect and reflect on where I am in my life and pivot elsewhere, somewhere I am valued and cared for besides my home.
Maybe the reminder of I AM NOT IN CONTROL was the unfamiliarly familiar message sent by the Higher Up and here I am, all over again… writing another page in my book.
All the while my eyes widen yet again to the kind of humanity we live in. A world where those that do not possess leadership skills, lead, a world where those in charge of caring for all, care only for self, a world that professes to be blind before the eyes of the law yet we all can see because we see what is done regardless of what is said. I grew up in this world but was so ready to protect, alert and instruct my students on the how to thrive in it, aim successfully through it and find their happiness as I thought I had.. because their story is my story.
And I have found my happiness and I do not want this pain to mire my joy. I will get through this as I have with all of the lessons I have learned. I will make this an example of the strength I possess and return to me.
Thank you to all of the people that have been present and reminded me that I am loved. Your love adds to my strength and willingness to fight another day.
Rosa Isabel Chavez 