49 years and a day ago, back in 1974 if you don’t care to do the math, an immigrant young girl that just turned 20 gave birth to another little girl and named her Ruby, or so the story goes. Ruby was told that her name was changed because her father threatened to not give his last name unless she was named after his mother, Rosa. The source of this information is a credible one, therefore it will stick.
Being a pregnant teenager from a boy that denied having a relationship with you, to then becoming a single mom is so normal that its the theme of TV shows today, but not in 1974. Can you imagine the shame? That feeling of embarrassment, exclusion, for just being? That is normal today as well but it’s met with compassion, but not in 1974
The young immigrant girl’s pain didn’t last long as she died the year after Ruby, now Rosa turned 1 and so began the life of little orphan Rosa!
Come on, did you think this was a tale of woe? Not Rosa, not me, not after outliving my mom at 49.
I sit here writing these words, counting my blessings after that fateful event, and so many others that marked my life, kept changing the direction of my path and shaped my becoming who I am and will become. I had little to do with either Isabel, that immigrant girl and Victor, the immigrant boy yet they are the source of my roots and cannot deny who I am without them.
I am a woman first and foremost; I am a sister without Isabel having had any more after me. I am a daughter to the woman Isabel called mama for she took on the task of rearing me. I am a friend to a selected few for the healed scars have reminded me and obligated me to cut ties with those that inflict rather than care for their fellow human being. I am a teacher who cares for her students at times as if they are my own, conflicted by feelings of wanting to shield them from the world and being as real as the world can get. At times it can cause them pain yet I will never apologize for being truthful which is the biggest lesson I want them to walk away with. The world may not love you for being honest, but it may respect you for not being false.
And I am a partner to a wonderful human being that above all makes me laugh.
If your life has been marked with pain at what seems like every pivoting moment, you may want to ‘end up’ with a person that makes you laugh. He makes me happy 99% of the time and I wouldn’t trade him for millions in any currency. I continue to realize that money can’t buy you happiness.
It may be the biggest cliche saying, in any corner of the world, in any language, in any culture therefore wouldn’t that make it true? Or is it something the wealthy has programmed us to believe? I have spent time in many circles and my non-programmed conclusion is ‘money makes any thing better, tis all.’
And I work hard for mine, money that is.. Good Ole Donna Summer’s hit ‘She works Hard for The Money’ says it all. And the result of my hard work is how I take care of me. This has been another evolving lesson, taking care of me and how to do it.
When you are the first and oldest, your traumatic growing pains could either have you isolate yourself to avoid pain and protect yourself as some have demonstrated to me OR you could seek refuge from the pain outwardly and care for others, protecting them from pain. The latter was my unconscious way of being growing up while the former was what I experienced from our elders. I didn’t want to be like them, and as my circle of primohermanos and hermanos grew, me being the first of what became 17, I sought to always care and not inflict.
As time goes by, caring for others first can become exhausting especially when you choose to become a public servant. There is no such thing as selfcare. Right now, there is a red line under the word SELFCARE! because the all-knowing world-wide-web does not recognize it!!
But thank you COVID, because the world, the real world does and maybe many of us have learned that taking care of self must be first.
When we care for self, we can become better versions, improve upon, change to then be better humans for and to each other.
So take care, care for yourself. Genuinely.
Rosa Isabel Chavez 